The bible is boring?

Maybe you haven't heard but there is a really cool book out that is filled with sex, drinking, violence, fervid gore, death, curses, lust, and torture! It is so exciting.. you wouldn't be able to make it into a movie because it would be way too graphic for any age. But wait! That doesn't mean that you can't read it! It was actually a bunch of different books, all compiled into one huge book. It was written by a number of Christians believe it or not. 

It's called "The Bible"! 

Now before you sigh and click on the red X button on the top of your screen.. please just wait. Read the rest of what I have to say.. you may find it interesting. So many people say that the bible is boring, it's just so stuffy and old. But I would beg to differ.. you may think differently after I show you a few stories. So take a big breath, sit back with a blanket and read away.

I've got the top 9 coolest stories of the bible.

Enjoy!

#9. Exodus 2:11-12

"One day, after Moses had grown up, he went out to where his own people were and watched them at their hard labor. He saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his own people. Looking this way and that and seeing no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand."

#8. II Kings 2:23-24

"From there Elisha went up to Bethel. As he was walking along the road, some boys came out of the town and jeered at him. “Get out of here, baldy!” they said. “Get out of here, baldy!” He turned around, looked at them and called down a curse on them in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the boys."

#7. Genesis 19:24-26

"Then the LORD rained down burning sulfur on Sodom and Gomorrah—from the LORD out of the heavens. Thus he overthrew those cities and the entire plain, destroying all those living in the cities—and also the vegetation in the land. But Lot’s wife looked back, and she became a pillar of salt." 

(What a way to die haha)

#6. Judges 3:16-23

"Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a cubit long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way those who had carried it. But on reaching the stone images near Gilgal he himself went back to Eglon and said, “Your Majesty, I have a secret message for you.”

   The king said to his attendants, “Leave us!” And they all left.

 Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his palace and said, “I have a message from God for you.” As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, and his bowels discharged. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them."

#5. Numbers 16:23-24, 31-33

"Then the LORD said to Moses, “Say to the assembly, ‘Move away from the tents of Korah, Dathan and Abiram."

As soon as he finished saying all this, the ground under them split apart and the earth opened its mouth and swallowed them and their households, and all those associated with Korah, together with their possessions. They went down alive into the realm of the dead, with everything they owned; the earth closed over them, and they perished and were gone from the community."

#4. Deuteronomy 25:11-12

"If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity."

#3. 1 Kings 18:24, 38-40  

"Then you call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the LORD. The god who answers by fire—he is God.”

Then all the people said, “What you say is good.”

Then the fire of the LORD fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

When all the people saw this, they fell prostrate and cried, “The LORD—he is God! The LORD—he is God!”

Then Elijah commanded them, “Seize the prophets of Baal. Don’t let anyone get away!” They seized them, and Elijah had them brought down to the Kishon Valley and slaughtered there."

#2. Judges 15:15-16

"Finding a fresh jawbone of a donkey, he grabbed it and struck down a thousand men.

  Then Samson said,

   “With a ass’s jawbone

   I have made asses of them.

With a ass’s jawbone

   I have killed a thousand men.”

#1. 1 Samuel 18:25-27

"Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.

 When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal in marriage.

.........................

Well I hope you weren't eating when you read that last one.. my body actually hurt when I read it. So many people say that the bible is so boring.. well I'm sorry but I have to disagree with that statement. I think it is amazing.. much better than any book you can buy now. 

Have a good one and remember if you ever have any questions, please don't hesitate to email me at igtmatt@gmail.com.

--Pastor Matt